dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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