Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize