your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
