Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Randomize
