its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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