He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
