Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
