Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
