I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How's work?
Spinning.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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