he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I understand Curling. That high.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
