you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
