We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm like, not good at living.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
