whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think a kid would responsible me up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
