we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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