You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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