Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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