You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
