I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
