It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
