You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
