cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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