when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
