I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
