Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
so much tequila, so little girl.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
