I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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