I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
