Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
