THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
