When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize