You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
