fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
