you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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