I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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