After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
