Already got asked if we're dating
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you had me at cake vodka
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
