it's great music for shaving your balls
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
