I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
