How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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