no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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