:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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