I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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