At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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