Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize