we made out on top of his cat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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