I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
