hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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