I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
