So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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