There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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