I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
