News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
