even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my sisters under your porch take her home
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
