Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Never let your siblings swipe right.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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