Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize