At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
