i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
