So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
