put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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