im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
