HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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