You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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