i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
