I wish my penis had an off switch
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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