So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
