How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
