i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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