Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
