I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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