I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you inspire me to be a worse person
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
