now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
