worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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