when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
