They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
