I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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